Reflection on 2010

On Sunday morning church during the service Keith Comp asked us to get in groups with the people around us and tell them how God has blessed us in the year 2010. After thinking about it I answered that I was thankful that God saved me from a bad place in my life and truly showed me who He really is. Since Sunday I have been thinking about how 2010 is almost over and how much it has completely changed my life.

I think this year has most likely been my hardest year but also the one I grew the most in. Thinking back to the beginning of the year I realize how closed my heart really was, I only opened it to a certain few amount of people and shut everyone else out. The truth is I was at a point where I just didn’t care about anything, which makes me sad to think about now. I went on with life thinking that God and I were cool but it took a decision and some heartbreak before I realized we weren’t. I broke friendships and hurt the people I love the most, but in the end God opened my eyes and I finally get it.Since God has opened my eyes, I value friendship a lot more than I used to. I am so thankful for friends because they are the best. This year I have lost some, gained some and got back some old ones.

God has completely change my life in just a few short months, times can still be hard but I know that God is my rock not any human. God is healing my heart more and more every day and I see Him everywhere. God has taught me how to really love people and how to let go and forgive. It took me questioning everything to truly seek Him and realize that Jesus really is my best friend. He is the one I go to for everything, the one who listens to my cry when I feel like I am going to break and He is the only thing in my life that will never change. This life is always changing but I know that God’s love for me will never change, which is so comforting and something I never want to forget.

In 2010 God showed me that I am supposed to be home right now not off living at some college. I know that He has a plan for me right here in Noblesville and He is revealing some of it to me. I have such a passion for young girls and just investing in their lives and God showed me what he really wants me to do, start a mentoring program for 7^th and 8^th grade girls.  Our first event is January 9^th for the 1P33 girls which refers to the verse 1 Peter 3:3-4

 “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

 God is totally planning this event, I am just His tool but I am so anxious and excited to see how He works through this program!

Overall in 2010 I wouldn’t change I thing because everything happens for a reason and everything can be used to glorify God. Even those times in life when it feels like it is so hard to stand, there is always a time when the rain stops and God never lets go of your hand as you face ever battle in this life. So I say Lord, bring on 2011 because I will serve you forever and I can’t wait for you to use me J

Right where I needed to be.

This morning I was reminding of something I never should have forgot. As I sat in junior high services, I was reminded once again how much I love these kids and how I love just acting like a kid with them. Today was their Christmas party and I was excited to play fun games and worship with them. When communion time came around one of the leaders came forward and talked about the real meaning of Christmas. Not all the good food, crazy shopping or even all the time you spend with family. It is all about Jesus and how he sacrificed His safe glory in Heaven to die of me, the sinner who deserves death. She also challenged us to get on our knees and really worship God. As she asked the Jr. High kids to do this, I was just thinking in my head about how these kids won’t really understand the meaning of this action. Then God just hit me over the head with how I really needed this. He made me realize that being on my knees at His throne is right where I needed to be. In that moment I realized how much I have forgotten how God loves me and how He went through so much just for me. I was numb to Gods love, how does that happen? How could I ever forget the most important act of God’s love? Even after communion time, I just sat there on my knees praying to God, taking in the words of the song “How He Loves,” Those words were perfect for what was going on in my heart. When the leader in Jr. High challenged the kids to get on their knees and worship God, I thought they wouldn’t understand but the truth is I didn’t understand. Thanks Leslie Russell for really challenging me this morning and teaching me something I should have never forgot.

Regret, it is time to let go..

Regret, such a powerful emotion. An emotion the Devil loves to use against you, the lies that if you start believing they will consume you. Have you ever stopped to think about how you got to be the person you are today? Well lately that has been on mind. I think back to a year ago and how I am a completely different person. It took a lot of heartache but God soften my heart and opened my eyes and for that I am so grateful. God never said that life was going to be easy but He does promise that He is never going to leave your side no matter what. I look back to the hardest times in my life, the times where I was on my face crying out to God and I felt like I wasn’t being answered or listened to. I realize now that in those times God heard my cry and eventually the struggle was over and God never left me. I was just so blinded by anger and my heart was so harden towards God, How could I have been able to hear him. Every day I realize more and more that God is NOT a feeling. He is real, more real than I could ever comprehend. I realize that I don’t always have to feel his presence with me, if my heart and eyes are open that I can see Him everywhere. I had a friend thank me last night for listening to his messed up parts in life and on the way home when I was just thinking and talking to God. I realized that those beautiful messes are not to be regretted. Those times where I was a mess, I realize that I needed to be that way so God was the only one who could pick up the pieces and really heal me. So those times in my life, I can’t regret because they have made me into the person that I am today. Those moments brought me closer to God, made me run to Him and need Him more than anything or anyone. It is kinda sad that it sometimes takes the bad times to need God but those times are just a little reminder that it is not about us and we need Him. We all fall short of the glory of God, so why sit around regretting the things that God has already forgiven you for and forgotten? Sometimes it is because we can’t forgive ourselves and personally I think that is the hardest but in the end it is time to let go and live your life now. I have had many opportunities to share my past pain to give hope to others and that what I want to use those times in my life for. I don’t want to hold on to the hurt and do nothing with it. Why not use it to help others and show them that you have been there and help them get through it. That’s why God gave us each other J so the time is now to tell the Devil to shove it and say “NO” to the lies and yes to the forgiveness!

Operation Jesus Storm!

Friday was one great night! At the end of the night I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face because everything was totally handcrafted by God.  It all started when I wrote my last blog on Wednesday. After I posted it, I got on Facebook and this guys named Corey sent me a Facebook chat that said “hey” I have never actually talked to this kid but he said he read my blog and had some questions for me. So I asked him what he wanted to know because I am always willing to be real and honest with people. He said that he wanted to talk about this other than on Facebook chat because it is more important than that. In my head I was totally thinking “ Amen! Someone that can communicate!” So I called Corey after class. We talked for about life and he asked me some questions. At the end of the conversation, he told invited me to Operation Jesus Storm. It is his ministry that he started where he goes downtown Indy and passes out food and coats to the homeless while witnessing to them about Jesus. I automatically loved this idea; I could tell this kid had a heart that he just wants to do whatever he could to serve and honor God.

So Friday night my sister and I went to pick up our two friends Jordan and Trey, we were off to Indy to hang out with people we have never met. I knew it was going to be a challenge but I knew this was exactly where God wanted us all to be. We met up with Corey and John downtown. After only about 10minutes of us all being together, it was like we have known each other for such a long time. John told us all the story of how the Thursday night he prayed really hard about what else he could do beside show up and he decided to dial all the numbers in his phone book and ask his friends to donate coats. John thought that there would only be about one or two people who would actually step up and provide some donation but John was amazed by what God did. As we walked pasted Corey’s car we saw the whole back seat was filled to the top with coats and sweatshirt that were donated. God provided and He defiantly answered John’s prayers.

As we continued to walk around, we saw the homeless people begging for money on the street. I thought about if I was homeless. I don’t know if I could ever lay down my pride and beg for money from others. It is already hard enough for me to accept help from other people, let alone beg for stuff if I had nothing. I thought about how these are people just like me, they have a story that need to be heard.

After a night of serving we all went out for dinner than decided to have a bible study at Starbucks. We were a group of people who didn’t really know each other but by the end of the night we got pretty tight knit. We sat in Starbucks trying to decide which verses we should read and talk about and Corey randomly picked James. We all agreed on James then John randomly picked the second chapter. This is when God did something really cool. The 2^nd chapter of James defiantly talks about loving the poor. It talks about giving food and clothing to the poor and never judging them. We had to stop after reading the first couple verses and thank God for how his hand work though out that whole night and how it ended just reassured all of us that we were all there for a reason. We were all just real and honest with each other and I am so thankful for everyone I got to know and hung out with Friday night because I will never forget that experience. God knew we all needed each other that night and He knew how perfectly it would work with that group of people and I would not have had it any other way.

Corey defiantly has a passion for this ministry and many dreams. If you ever want to come one Friday night with him then defiantly meet him because he is awesome. Also another way to get involved is to support his clothing company, all the profit goes to this ministry. The website is http://www.altruistapparel.com CHECK IT OUT && SUPPORT HIM OR GET INVOLVED J

Lovin This CRAZY Life :)

So I figured since I haven’t blogged in a while, I just tell everyone what God is teaching me and doing in my life. First off we are going to be starting the girls program in January and I am so excited about it. I know that it is going to take a lot of work and planning but I am ready to take on this challenge God has given me. I have been talking to some of the girl who I know would be great mentors to these young girls. We want the older girls who are going to set Godly examples for these kids and just love on them. Our vision for this program is to create unity in this group of girls. Junior High is all about cliques and fitting in but we are here to teach these girl how to be bold and stand up for their brothers and sisters in Christ. The older girl mentors that I am recruiting have so much wisdom and experience to share with these girls. I know God is going to do something amazing that only He can do through this ministry. I am just asking for your prayer over this, that God will just place the people in wants in front of me so I can make this happen.

Every day I learn something new about love. I realize people change but your love for that person stays the same. I have a friend right now that we went through a rough patch in the last year but we are starting to rebuild that friendship. God has given me such a love for her, deeper than I have ever had before but she continues to reject it. I realize not everyone is going to be my best friend but God says love no matter what and that is what I am trying to do. No matter if facing rejection over and over again, is like running into a brick wall. I know God has a plan and I am just his tool.

Another thing I have realized is how lost I was before I really discovered what God wanted for me. I was so hard hearted. I shut out my friends and kept to myself, and I realize now how much I did do that. I wouldn’t spend as much time with them because I would get annoyed so easily. I was so blinded by the love I had for a boy that I lost myself. I let this boy define me instead of my heavenly father. I let that boy become my everything, when I had everything I needed already. I am so sorry Lord, for pushing you aside. I shoved you off your throne and stuck a human boy there, someone who let me down.Humans will always let you down but God never will. God has given me the strength to build myself up again with Him and Him alone. It really hard for someone to be your everything then go to nothing but God is opening my eyes to how lost I truly was. Now I spend almost every day with friends. I have made new ones and even got back some old ones that I have really been missing. I let go of the past and now I am so ready for the future. God has the best guy for me but right now it’s just me and God!