Reading through these old blogs I am just amazed to see how
much God turned my life around in such a short time. I haven’t blogged in over
a year and today I really feeling like writing so here the short version of
where I am right now.
I am in my junior
year at Ivy Tech and I am so ready to be done and I am only taking two classes.
I got into Indiana Wesleyan University which I am super excited about, I am
just ready to be there but I know God has a plan for me in this last semester
at Ivy Tech.
This summer was crazy awesome! I did a 6 month internship
with the junior high pastor at my church and I absolutely loved it. I can’t
even begin to tell you what all God taught me in this short time. I got to help
with all the planning for camp, write small group talk sheets and even lead
second service and communion (which was absolutely horrifying.) I found out
that ministry is for sure where my heart is, I am not sure exactly what area or
all the details but I absolutely loved this summer!! I know that my heart is
for people, no matter how messed up we all are. We all need the love of Jesus. My pastor also challenged me to plan at least
one 1p33 girl’s event this summer and I got so passionate we did three girls
events that covered three different topics: identity, beauty, and impact. The conversation
and relationship that was built between leaders and students was amazing. It
breaks my heart how the world is today; people are so mean…these girls are
going through things that I never had to deal with till high school. I hear
stories from 13 year olds who think they are pregnant to girls struggling to
not eat because some jerk guy called them fat. God continues to break my heart
for these kids and I realize how important young mentors are in their life.
Now I am done with my internship and honesty in a really dry
season in my walk with God. I feel so discontent with everything. I am still as
busy as I was this summer but I am busy with all the things I don’t want to be
busy with. Working 30 plus hours a week and doing 6 hours of school plus all
the homework. I miss my ministry and being around my church family as much as I
was this summer. My heart hurts to feel the joy that I felt this summer, doing
what I loved. I know I am just in the
valley, looking at the mountain I just got off of and wishing I was still
there. I know that I need to rejoice in this valley because God has to teach me
something but it is so hard. Last week I met with an old small group leader
from high school that has always spoken so much truth into my life. I told her
everything that I was going through and my struggle to find out what my purpose
is because right now I don’t feel like I have one. She listened to every word
that I spoke and just let me talk. After I was done she laughs and smiled and
told me how God was aligning up something in my life. She told me how much God
was pursuing me and how He wants to “woo” me. The God who created the heavens
and the earth wants me, of all people. She was honest with me about how selfish
I was being and how I was throwing a little pity party for myself. She pointed out how awesome it is that my
heart is open and willing to go wherever He leads me but how impatient I am
being because I just want the destination but not the journey. God has
something for me but He isn’t going to send me there until I am ready for it. I
know that it is easy to get so involved in the good acts of ministry like
serving and planning but sometimes you miss the intimate relationship with
Jesus which is where all these acts should flow from. I know that I haven’t been
doing everything in my power to prepare myself for what God has in store for
me. The hardest for me is in the quiet moments with Jesus, where I have to be vulnerable.
I don’t know how to be still and listen to God, but in this time I am going to find
out. I will rejoice in the struggle because it is okay and it will only bring
me closer to God, which is where I want to be.
