A year ago..

It has been a year, a year since I have fully claimed my own faith. It feels like it has been so much longer than that. In this year God has completely turned my life around. This time last year, my heart was completely broken and I didn’t know how to get better. This time last year I was distance from God but I still heard His call to get out of a relationship that was wrong for me. In this past year God has fueled my passion for Jr. Highers, these girls make my day all the time. They tell me how my presence in their lives has been such a blessing but they have no idea how they bless me just by giving me a hug every Sunday or shooting me a random text during the week. I am still keeping up with the ministry 1P33 girls, which is a mentoring program for 7^th and 8^th grade girls. It focuses on discovering the way God views beauty instead of how the world views it. It is hard to keep up and plan to make all these events come together especially with school but it is always rewarding. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be in a dating relationship right now, I would have never believed you. I would have never thought my heart would have been ready to take on a dating relationship but God has other plans. I have been with my boyfriend, Jordan, for officially over three months now but we have been good friends for over a year. He is such a blessing to me and God has used him numerous times to teach me things that He knows I need to hear. God is teaching us both how to have a relationship keeping Him as the center. This is the most healthy and Godly relationship I have ever been in and I am so thankful for it.

                About 7 months ago White River Christian Church started a college age ministry called Engage. If I didn’t have this group right after I got out of a bad relationship that really challenged my faith, I honestly don’t know where I would be. Diving into this ministry full of people who love God fully, challenged me to really understand what that truly means to commit your life to God. The relationship that I was in a year ago was with a Mormon, it really challenged me to analyze what I really believed. (If you want to read the whole story, check out the earlier blogs). This ministry found me when I was truly wrestling with God, and truly struggling with what the truth was. Through this group of people and my own walk with God, I figured it out. I figured out what a Christ follower really looks like and how I could become more like Jesus. I figured out how to have my own relationship with Him that wasn’t through my parents. I never realized how far I pushed God away until I felt His presence back in my life again. Engage ministry is a family, my family. A family with plenty of room to grow and a family that is always waiting with open arms. I just want to say thank you, thank you for challenging me and being there for me even when you didn’t realize you were. God defiantly knew I needed this group of amazing people in my life.

                Now that it has been a year, I am back to being too content with life. I have seriously never been more joyful than I am right now. I have the most amazing friends and family and a merciful God that loves me. Now I am discontent with being content because I know God hasn’t called me to be. Next summer a group from Engage is heading to Kenya. When I first heard about this I thought it was super cool but I could never see myself doing that. One Sunday we were asked to come together in a small group to pray over this decision. I admitted how I didn’t really ask God if he wanted me to go because I was so scared He was going to say yes. After spending every day for a while truly asking God if He wanted me to go, He never answered and the excitement other people felt toward the trip wasn’t the same for me. God changed my heart, I know Africa right now isn’t His plan for me but I am so excited for the rest of the people who God has called to go. God hasn’t really given me an answer on what He wants me to do with this discontentment but I know something is about to change. I am now in my second year at Ivy Tech and this semester has already been the most difficult, not because of academics but because of my discontentment with school. It is really hard for me to sit in class and know that it is doing nothing to further God’s Kingdom. I want to do something that I am passionate about and sitting through a three house business class that is telling me how to make more money doesn’t really appeal to me. I know that money is important and I am so thankful for my job that provides me with some but it is not everything. I am struggling with knowing God’s call; He has placed this anxious feeling in me telling me He has something planned. I just have to be patient, which right now is a huge challenge that I just have to wait out. I am so thankful for this pass year, the friendships I have gained and the friendships I have strengthened, you all mean so much to me. I know God will reveal His plan in His timing not mine but for now I have the best support system to wait with me.

Living for Your Glory

 Right now in life I am just in awe of what God is doing all around me I have never realized how blessed I truly am until these last few months. Because I took a risk for God, He has completely changed my life. He has opened my heart and showed me how to truly love people like He does. God has soften my heart and taught me how to trust again when I thought it would take so much longer. He has also given me a passion for Jr. High kids which I can't imagine my life without. About two weeks ago, I completed my CIY challenge from last summer and spent the weekend at Anderson University with 25 junior high kids. Throughout the whole weekend I got to watch these students grow in their faith and truly worship God, holding nothing back. The first night as we wrapped up, we went back to the church to crash for the night and had a chance to get in small groups. One of my best friends, Kat Ho and I lead a small group of about five girls. It was awesome to just talk to them about what God was teaching them and what their favorite part was. The main thing we talked about was trying to help them grasp the fact that God is not a feeling. CIY is a "mountain top" experience. It is so easy to get caught up in the music, the lights and the passion of the speakers. It’s easy to worship God when you are surrounded by people who are pursuing God has hard as you are with no distractions. What matters is coming back changed and worshiping God through the good times and bad times. To be honest the first session, God convicted me of getting caught up in the feeling and expecting His presence in a selfish way. God had to put my heart back in the right place and reassure me that He is a person; He is real and much more than a feeling. I got as much out of that weekend as the students did. The week before I went to CIY was not that great. I was really stressed about school and life. I was frustrated and jealous that everyone knew what God wanted them to do with their life and I still have no clue. Saturday at CIY, the lady who was doing worship said something that I will never forget. As we finished singing a slow song, the lights got dim and she said "do you know there are no mistakes in this room, no 'oops'. Then said read Ephesians 2:10 which says "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." This has become my life verse. It just amazes me that before God created the Earth, He had a plan for my life right now. The God of the Universe thinks I’m a beautiful masterpiece and finds delight in me, now that just blows my mind. The worry about my future plans diminished and I know that God has a plan and as long as I follow Him in everything, He will work everything together in His time. So Lord, I'm living for Your glory and I am so excited to see what you have planned for me!

Eye Opener

In Jr. High we have started the You Pick series and the question the kids are asking are awesome. Normally the questions are just good refresher for what I already know but last Sunday God taught me something new. One of the questions had to deal with Job. I have heard Job’s story before but I saw it this time in a new light. Corey summarized Jobs story for the kids. Job lived in a time where the devil actually walked the Earth. He was always faithful to God and was blessed for his faithfulness. The devil approached God and God was ranting about His loyal servant Job. The devil then proceeded to ask God if he could test Job. Satin explained how Job life has always been easy and blessed and if everything was taken away, Job would curse God. God allowed Satin to test Job but He told Satin not to physically harm him. Job lost his crops, animals and even his children. Job lost everything worldly that he held dear and in the end he got on his knees and praised God. He remained faithful after all that but the devil wasn’t done with Job yet. He knew he could make Job fall. Satin approached God and God brought up how Job still remained His faithful servant. Satin replied that if he was allowed to attack Job’s body that he would surely curse God. God permitted Satin to do this but said he had to let him live. Satin attacked Job’s body with large painful boils all over. During this time his wife even said “Curse God and die.” Then Job said something that has stuck with me, “You talk like a godless woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” In the end He still praised God when everything was against him. This story is a good illustration of trails in our lives. It just opened my eyes to how God is always in control of everything.  In this story Satin had to physically ask God if he can test us. God even told Satin that you can test him just don’t touch him physically. I don’t know if that is how it works to today but that would be pretty cool. God is even in control of Satin, I never thought of it that way. I always knew that God obviously could crush the devil at any time but I always saw it as a good versus evil thing. But this story really showed me that even the devil is even under God’s control. It also just reassured me that everything that happens has to go through God first.  

Whole World in Your Hands

The idea of a war actually going on used to seem like something that was unreal. But now everytime I see or hear something about our soldiers who risk their lives for us, it hits a lot closer to home. After high school two of my best guy friends left for basic training after enlisting in the Army. Levi Flook and Austin Heffelmire, I have known them for a while now. I have known Levi since Preschool and Austin and I became close in 8^th grade. These were two guys in high school that always had my back, even though  they both aren’t home right now, I know they still do. I am so proud of these boys, they are doing what they have always wanted to do. Tonight Austin leaves to serve in Iraq and when I stop to think about it, it makes me kind of sad. But then I am filled with excitement for him because this is what he wants to do and he is really good at it. I realize that it’s scary because life over there is completely different compared to America. Lately God has been teaching me that there are only two ways to approach every unknown situation.

1.       You can work yourself up which only leads to stress and worry
or

2.       You can give everything to God and trust that he knows what he is doing.

If you think about these two options, they both have the same outcome but you feel completely different emotions while waiting for the outcome. It seems like the answer to how to deal with the situation would be black and white but for me it’s not. I am the girl who always wants to have control, not in a bad way. But I always want to feel like I have control over my life, and know how things will turn out. So for me to surrender and completely give everything to God is one of my biggest challenges. Every day is a struggle for who is in control and every day I have to surrender to what I can’t see. So even through two of my best friends entered into a profession that puts them in dangerous situation. I am putting all my trust in God that He will protect them and I know that no matter what happens he has the whole world in His hands.

The Time is NOW!

Last Friday night my friend Tessa and I went to a Winter Jam concert at Freedom Hall. Winter Jam is a concert created by the band New Song at a cheap cost of $10. New Song gets a group of artist together to put on a good show for a low price so everyone has an opportunity to go. The lineup included Chris Sligh, Chris August, Sidewalk Prophets, KJ-52, New Song, RED, Kutless, Francesca Battistelli, David Crowder Band and Newboys. After the first couple acts it wasn’t just a show anymore it was true authentic worship. Freedom Hall holds 20,000 people and I am pretty sure there weren’t even enough seats for all the people who showed up. It was an unforgettable experience to be a room full of 20,000 people coming together to worship the Creator of the Universe as the one body, the Church. As I looked around I saw little kids dancing in the aisle and a room full of people with their hands raised in awe. I even saw the camera man with his hands stretched wide out in surrender to God. I thought to myself, “This is what it is all about.” In the middle of the concert a man named Tony Olsen spoke about what the Church is supposed to do, how we are supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus no matter where we are.  He talked about a revival and how we could change the world if we would just say “yes” to Jesus and “no” to the things of this world. There was cheering and a passion that filled the room. As the concert came to an end, Tony’s words stuck with me. Tessa and I talked about how awesome it would be if everyone stepped up. What if we loved the unlovable?  What if we feed the hungry? What if we spent time with the elder who have no family left? What if instead of saying we are prolife, we actually do something about it and support adoption ministries? Then it hit me, who am I to say other people should step up if I don’t do it myself? I realized how many times I have heard sermons of what the Church could do. I remembered the times I really thought about how big the Church is and how if all these people are submitted to God’s will then why are there still people in the Church that do not have a warm house to go to at night or food to eat. God broke my heart and made me realize that the change could start with me. We can all sit around waiting for other people to step up but God showed me that He calls us to NOW! The devil loves to tell me that I am too young and I can’t make a difference for the Kingdom of God but I am going to prove him wrong! The time is now to make a change and actually be the Church that God calls us to be. A Church that is not a building but a body of believers who love people with their whole heart.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Where You Lead Me I Will Go

So second semester has started and I realize this semester is going to be a lot harder than last but I am excited about everything that is yet to come.  Something that comes with second semester is new classes which means meeting new people. Something, I totally used to hate but now I am learning to love. I am so excited to get to know a whole new group of people and this semester is going to be different. I want to be bolder. I want people to know that Jesus is my EVERYTHING.  My church is starting a college ministry that is not meant to be just for “our church” but everyone people from all different colleges and walks of life. It is for a body of believers to come together and worship the only thing that matters in this life. I am so excited to see where God leads this ministry and I know that God personally is calling me to invite people to this. College is when people who have kept the faith, lose it and they need this. So this is one of my challenges ahead: invite people to Engage College Ministry J

Also this week, God told me something He wants me to do this summer which I am really excited about.  In the last month, I have been prayerfully considering going to camp this summer to be with the junior high kids that God has given me such a love and passion for.  In high school, I would normally spend a week at a youth conference called C.I.Y but this year I am out of high school and know God wants me to spend a week somewhere serving for Him. Yesterday the Jr. High pastor Corey sent me a facebook message asking me to pray about going on the 7^th grade mission trip to the Appalachian Mountains in Tennessee. I have been hearing a lot about this trip from my seventh grade girls but never thought about actually being pushed to go on it as a leader.  After really thinking and praying about it, I know this is what God wants me to do. I have always wanted to go on mission trip but have never gotten to actually go on one. So God answered my prayer, He said no to camp and yes to Tennessee. So Appalachian Mountains here I come. I am so excited to spend a week with some awesome 7^th grade kids. I can’t wait to see how God challenges everyone, including me. I know God is going to do some amazing things and I am so glad He wants me to be a part of it!

1P33

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

Sunday night, January 9th, was a night I have been waiting awhile for. About three months ago, God called me to start a mentoring program for 7th and 8th grade girls. In the bible there are many verses about the older woman bringing up the younger but in our world today that is the last thing on young girl’s minds.

The past two Sundays I have been going back to Jr. High service to be around these girls, and sit in with the 7th grade girls during small group time. Honestly these past two Sundays I was intimated by these girls. The first Sunday I sat in the front row by myself and worshiped my heart out, just me and Jesus. I had this fear that built up inside of me that first Sunday and the enemy loved trying to use that against me. After sitting by myself, God opened my eyes to the fact that some girls feel this way every single time they walk in the gym on Sunday morning. Before I felt God leading me to Jr. High I would teach a five year old class on Sunday mornings. I realize that being with little kids was never scary; I could have conversations with these kids for hours and make them feel comfortable in the classroom. Jr. High girls are totally out of my comfort zone but I know this is where God is calling me to be. After only going for two Sundays so far, it breaks my heart to see the separations and cliques built up. I saw girls be excluded because they were different in the eyes of the other “Christians.” They look at each other and see the outward appearance, when I pray that they can eventually see the heart the way God does.

Sunday night we kicked off the 1P33 first event, praying that it isn’t just an event but a movement to build some life changing relationships. This is a program that will challenge the girls in their walk with God and also challenge them to unite as a body of believers. Before the event everyone was getting anxious and we had no idea what to expect. We all got together before, prayed, and gave everything to God. After I personally gave everything to Him, I had so much peace and I knew everything was going to go just the way He wanted it too. God calmed my heart and give me boldness to love on these girls with no fear. As the girls started to flood into the music room, they each received a name tag with a color on it. This color represented what small group they would be in and who their leaders would be. I knew that there would be a group of girls trying to persuade me to give them and their “best friend” the same color. I said no and told them tonight was a night to meet new people and branch out. After the small group time we had a panel of 9 high school and college age girls, besides me, that were willing to be open and honest with these girls. I asked the Jr. High girls to take an index card and right down any question that they wanted an answer to, and they could put them in the question box anonymously. Reading through some of these questions broke my heart. Most of the questions ended with “can you please help me?” It was a desperate call for help that hit something inside of me that wanted to do everything in my power to help. I think my favorite part of this night was afterwards, we ran out of time to answer all of the questions but when I dismissed the girls I told them that we were going to stick around afterwards and that they could talk with any of us more if they felt comfortable with it. I stood back and watched one by one, as the 7th and 8th graders sought out the leaders that they wanted to talk to. I saw them open up and ask the hard questions that they needed answers too. I couldn’t help but smile and thank God. They trusted us enough to spill their hearts and fears with a group of girls who were strangers an hour and half before. This is only one thing that God can do. God has given me such an unbelievable love for these girls, I told them that I don’t even know all of them yet but I love them and they have a story that needs to be heard. It turns out 22 young girls showed up on Sunday night and I know this is going to grow. I can’t wait to see where God takes this ministry, and these girls. This is going to challenge the leaders as much as the young girls but God’s got this. I know all of us are extremely excited for this journey.

I ask whoever is reading this to keep this ministry, and all of us, in your prayers because we can always use it.

WOW GOD MOMENT!

Sunday night I was sitting in my room journaling my prayers and spending some time with God. I was thinking about how far God has brought me and how thankful I am for that. I decided to look back in my journal to see what I wrote awhile back, that is when I had a WOW GOD MOMENT. At CIY over the summer we were told to write a letter to ourselves to read in December, I had totally forgotten about this letter.

The letter said:

Claire, don’t ever forget to love everyone no matter what! Remember the way Jesus loves people. Let down your walls and love people whole heartily. Remember that judgment is God’s job, not yours. Even though times might be tough, never forget how short time is on Earth is compared to Eternity. Watch your words, don’t talk about the people who annoy you, take the time to love them. Always remember that everyone has a story, some people just don’t stick around long enough to find out. Fight the good fight! I hope by this time you know where God wants to use you. I hope you have such a stronger passion for the younger girls that this week you have realized you have so much influence over. I know you aren’t perfect but I hope you remember to shine the Godliness of Jesus through your life no matter what is going on, stay strong!

Reading this blew my mind, I don’t ever remember writing any of these words. But in these past few months God has taught me more about all these things. What totally made me stop and smile at how God works is the part that talked about finding a place where God would use you and growing in your passion for young girls.  This passion has grown so much inside me and right now I am pursuing what  God wants with everything I am, but I know when I wrote this I wasn’t doing any of those things. It just blows my mind that on July 22, 2010, God gave me just the right words to say that I needed to hear on January 2, 2011, wow God You never cease to amaze me.