We have all heard this phase before…growing up as a 90’s
child I loved watching Disney movies and I always wanted to find the guy who
would be my true love. I love Pocahontas and the story of her love for John
Smith. You grew up with this idea that there is this perfect guy for you that
will make everything right and then you will “live happily ever after.”
Even when I was a young girl I was never really into
planning out my whole wedding and knowing exactly what I wanted in a guy. I met
those girls who had their whole wedding put into one binder and knew what
colors that wanted and even what song they wanted to dance to. I honestly was
scared of boys for a really long time, which was obviously for good reasons. I
found them to be smelly and mean. But of course, every young girl sees a Disney
princess and wants the love that she sees on a TV. We are brainwashed to think
that this “fairy tale” is actually real life…WRONG!
Going to Christian
University has really showed me how girls still live in this ideal fantasy that
you will live happily ever after without any struggle or effort…WRONG AGAIN!
The other day I heard a stat here at IWU that half of the
marriages that come out of this school end in divorce as soon as a couple years
later. My housemates know people who graduated a couple years ago or even last
year who are already divorced. This absolutely broke my heart, we are supposed
to be set apart Christian but instead we look just like the world. I wanted to
understand how this was happening and I want to fix it!
After about a couple weeks of observing couples on campus
and talking with other couples about the atmosphere here, I had an idea of what
might affect this. I realized some girls are stuck in this fantasy land that they
have the most incredible guy and have the Godliest relationship ever. They
never think that anything is going to go wrong and even if they did they are so
blinded by “love” that they never see it till it’s too late. The atmosphere
demands people to have it all together and fake it. It’s rare to find couples
here that are willing to tell you the raw parts of their relationships and are
willing to open up about how they don’t always get along. People who are real
and vulnerable…it’s rare! In a community of Christian’s vulnerability is
rare??? But God calls us to be vulnerable!! This atmosphere of looking like we
have it all together is setting us up to fail. It is also setting the standard
for other people’s relationship. I have spoken with people that think that
their relationship isn’t right just because it isn’t all roses and sunshine all
the time but the truth is that is life and that is real. They think that their
relationship isn’t holy enough as everyone else just because they aren’t
praying with each other every day or having really in-depth spiritual
conversations. Just to let you know if this is PERFECTLY OKAY! Pray and
spiritual conversations is a very intimate thing and honestly I see it as
something that should happen in small douses and you always have to guard your
heart because the temptation to express your
intimacy sexually will always want to follow. Love isn’t when it is easy; it is when it is hard. Love is a commitment to each
other no matter what comes your way, no matter the sins that the other person
is struggling with. You stick together and grow through the trials that you are
faced with and grow with Christ in the process.
Another thing that I see around here is that women in the
relationships always want to point out how their man needs to grow to be a man.
News flash ladies… God calls us to
grow too! You can’t “fix” him! You can’t try to mold your guy into this perfect
image in your head. He will never fit the mold that Disney set for us in every
movie because it is FAKE! Even though every girl who was raised in church made
a list of the top things she wanted in a guy and to this day we all probably
all still have it. I’m not saying standards are bad, you should have high
standards for yourself and your relationships. I am just saying that life and a
relationship is not that black and white. It is complicated, messy and
difficult because you have to find a harmony between two people who never see
things eye to eye. God made males and females SO different but with Him as the
center we somehow find a way to complement each other. You should always have a
high standard to marry a man who loves God more than he loves you, someone who
respects you and your values and even someone who makes you laugh because you
are going to commit to be with him for 60 years or longer so it better be a fun
adventure! Jordan (my boyfriend) has hazel eyes when I made my list in middle
school I said blue eyes but who cares! He loves Jesus with his whole heart and chooses
every day to love me even on my hardest days, what more could a girl want. Women,
you can’t tell him where he needs to grow and refuse to examine yourself. God
calls us to grow every day! We will never reach the point of being fully
sanctified but every day we need to strive to be the best that He has called us
to be by examining ourselves, not our men. We
have to walk with the Lord and let Him pour into us so that we can pour into
others including the men in our lives. I feel like we as women put way too much
pressure on men, we expect them to always lead and be the strongest. When in all
reality, he is still human and he is going to have bad days too. He is going to
have bad days when he needs his wife to be strong for him and to lead. I see
marriage as a partnership, full of commutation and encouragement. Just think
about how much guys have to go through just to get to the marriage part with
the girl. They have to ask them on a date and woo her, then that progresses and
leads to asking her father for her hand in marriage, finding the perfect ring
and planning a magical way to ask her. It is times like these where I am
thankful that I am the women but serious that is a lot of pressure! My heart aches for these marriages that are
ended because of false expectations that we don’t see that are there. I know
this might offend some people but this issue has just really captured my heart.
I have been with my boyfriend for over two and a half years.
It has been the best years of my life but it sure wasn’t easy. We had to
overcome a lot of things and have some really hard conversations. We have to be
willing to sacrifice for each other and communicate even when we are angry. We
have to strive every day to keep Christ at the center of our relationship even
when the world tells us something different. I am not saying I know a lot about
relationships because I don’t, but God does. God desires our relationship to
reflect the relationship that He has with the Church. Which means it doesn’t
end with a “you will live happily ever after,” it ends with a forever with
Jesus but comes with a lot of struggles and growth in the time in between.
I want to fight this stat and bring it to your attention.
People who are single on college campuses embrace it! I know that EVERYONE is
in a relationship and about five people get engaged every weekend but God has a
plan. You have the greatest example to take bits of other peoples wisdom and to
learn from their mistakes. Listen to the people who have been there and as long
as you stick close to Christ, He will lead you and bring a great guy into your
life but be open to what He has to say because He might come in a different way
than you expect Him too. Instead of on a beautiful white steed, He might come
on foot with a suitcase with some baggage. Instead of rich, He might be average
but have the biggest heart for the poor. Instead of knowing the perfect way to
love you, you might have to be patient and wait for him to open his heart up to
you. Love isn’t a fairy tale, its better because it is real! It is God’s plan
for your life which means it might be a crazy, hilarious, challenging,
sometimes even painful journey but with God at the center it will be the best
journey you have even been on. It will be the best story you ever get to tell
if you just let God lead…
So Let God Write Your Story…
