Reflection on 2010

On Sunday morning church during the service Keith Comp asked us to get in groups with the people around us and tell them how God has blessed us in the year 2010. After thinking about it I answered that I was thankful that God saved me from a bad place in my life and truly showed me who He really is. Since Sunday I have been thinking about how 2010 is almost over and how much it has completely changed my life.

I think this year has most likely been my hardest year but also the one I grew the most in. Thinking back to the beginning of the year I realize how closed my heart really was, I only opened it to a certain few amount of people and shut everyone else out. The truth is I was at a point where I just didn’t care about anything, which makes me sad to think about now. I went on with life thinking that God and I were cool but it took a decision and some heartbreak before I realized we weren’t. I broke friendships and hurt the people I love the most, but in the end God opened my eyes and I finally get it.Since God has opened my eyes, I value friendship a lot more than I used to. I am so thankful for friends because they are the best. This year I have lost some, gained some and got back some old ones.

God has completely change my life in just a few short months, times can still be hard but I know that God is my rock not any human. God is healing my heart more and more every day and I see Him everywhere. God has taught me how to really love people and how to let go and forgive. It took me questioning everything to truly seek Him and realize that Jesus really is my best friend. He is the one I go to for everything, the one who listens to my cry when I feel like I am going to break and He is the only thing in my life that will never change. This life is always changing but I know that God’s love for me will never change, which is so comforting and something I never want to forget.

In 2010 God showed me that I am supposed to be home right now not off living at some college. I know that He has a plan for me right here in Noblesville and He is revealing some of it to me. I have such a passion for young girls and just investing in their lives and God showed me what he really wants me to do, start a mentoring program for 7^th and 8^th grade girls.  Our first event is January 9^th for the 1P33 girls which refers to the verse 1 Peter 3:3-4

 “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

 God is totally planning this event, I am just His tool but I am so anxious and excited to see how He works through this program!

Overall in 2010 I wouldn’t change I thing because everything happens for a reason and everything can be used to glorify God. Even those times in life when it feels like it is so hard to stand, there is always a time when the rain stops and God never lets go of your hand as you face ever battle in this life. So I say Lord, bring on 2011 because I will serve you forever and I can’t wait for you to use me J

Right where I needed to be.

This morning I was reminding of something I never should have forgot. As I sat in junior high services, I was reminded once again how much I love these kids and how I love just acting like a kid with them. Today was their Christmas party and I was excited to play fun games and worship with them. When communion time came around one of the leaders came forward and talked about the real meaning of Christmas. Not all the good food, crazy shopping or even all the time you spend with family. It is all about Jesus and how he sacrificed His safe glory in Heaven to die of me, the sinner who deserves death. She also challenged us to get on our knees and really worship God. As she asked the Jr. High kids to do this, I was just thinking in my head about how these kids won’t really understand the meaning of this action. Then God just hit me over the head with how I really needed this. He made me realize that being on my knees at His throne is right where I needed to be. In that moment I realized how much I have forgotten how God loves me and how He went through so much just for me. I was numb to Gods love, how does that happen? How could I ever forget the most important act of God’s love? Even after communion time, I just sat there on my knees praying to God, taking in the words of the song “How He Loves,” Those words were perfect for what was going on in my heart. When the leader in Jr. High challenged the kids to get on their knees and worship God, I thought they wouldn’t understand but the truth is I didn’t understand. Thanks Leslie Russell for really challenging me this morning and teaching me something I should have never forgot.

Regret, it is time to let go..

Regret, such a powerful emotion. An emotion the Devil loves to use against you, the lies that if you start believing they will consume you. Have you ever stopped to think about how you got to be the person you are today? Well lately that has been on mind. I think back to a year ago and how I am a completely different person. It took a lot of heartache but God soften my heart and opened my eyes and for that I am so grateful. God never said that life was going to be easy but He does promise that He is never going to leave your side no matter what. I look back to the hardest times in my life, the times where I was on my face crying out to God and I felt like I wasn’t being answered or listened to. I realize now that in those times God heard my cry and eventually the struggle was over and God never left me. I was just so blinded by anger and my heart was so harden towards God, How could I have been able to hear him. Every day I realize more and more that God is NOT a feeling. He is real, more real than I could ever comprehend. I realize that I don’t always have to feel his presence with me, if my heart and eyes are open that I can see Him everywhere. I had a friend thank me last night for listening to his messed up parts in life and on the way home when I was just thinking and talking to God. I realized that those beautiful messes are not to be regretted. Those times where I was a mess, I realize that I needed to be that way so God was the only one who could pick up the pieces and really heal me. So those times in my life, I can’t regret because they have made me into the person that I am today. Those moments brought me closer to God, made me run to Him and need Him more than anything or anyone. It is kinda sad that it sometimes takes the bad times to need God but those times are just a little reminder that it is not about us and we need Him. We all fall short of the glory of God, so why sit around regretting the things that God has already forgiven you for and forgotten? Sometimes it is because we can’t forgive ourselves and personally I think that is the hardest but in the end it is time to let go and live your life now. I have had many opportunities to share my past pain to give hope to others and that what I want to use those times in my life for. I don’t want to hold on to the hurt and do nothing with it. Why not use it to help others and show them that you have been there and help them get through it. That’s why God gave us each other J so the time is now to tell the Devil to shove it and say “NO” to the lies and yes to the forgiveness!

Operation Jesus Storm!

Friday was one great night! At the end of the night I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face because everything was totally handcrafted by God.  It all started when I wrote my last blog on Wednesday. After I posted it, I got on Facebook and this guys named Corey sent me a Facebook chat that said “hey” I have never actually talked to this kid but he said he read my blog and had some questions for me. So I asked him what he wanted to know because I am always willing to be real and honest with people. He said that he wanted to talk about this other than on Facebook chat because it is more important than that. In my head I was totally thinking “ Amen! Someone that can communicate!” So I called Corey after class. We talked for about life and he asked me some questions. At the end of the conversation, he told invited me to Operation Jesus Storm. It is his ministry that he started where he goes downtown Indy and passes out food and coats to the homeless while witnessing to them about Jesus. I automatically loved this idea; I could tell this kid had a heart that he just wants to do whatever he could to serve and honor God.

So Friday night my sister and I went to pick up our two friends Jordan and Trey, we were off to Indy to hang out with people we have never met. I knew it was going to be a challenge but I knew this was exactly where God wanted us all to be. We met up with Corey and John downtown. After only about 10minutes of us all being together, it was like we have known each other for such a long time. John told us all the story of how the Thursday night he prayed really hard about what else he could do beside show up and he decided to dial all the numbers in his phone book and ask his friends to donate coats. John thought that there would only be about one or two people who would actually step up and provide some donation but John was amazed by what God did. As we walked pasted Corey’s car we saw the whole back seat was filled to the top with coats and sweatshirt that were donated. God provided and He defiantly answered John’s prayers.

As we continued to walk around, we saw the homeless people begging for money on the street. I thought about if I was homeless. I don’t know if I could ever lay down my pride and beg for money from others. It is already hard enough for me to accept help from other people, let alone beg for stuff if I had nothing. I thought about how these are people just like me, they have a story that need to be heard.

After a night of serving we all went out for dinner than decided to have a bible study at Starbucks. We were a group of people who didn’t really know each other but by the end of the night we got pretty tight knit. We sat in Starbucks trying to decide which verses we should read and talk about and Corey randomly picked James. We all agreed on James then John randomly picked the second chapter. This is when God did something really cool. The 2^nd chapter of James defiantly talks about loving the poor. It talks about giving food and clothing to the poor and never judging them. We had to stop after reading the first couple verses and thank God for how his hand work though out that whole night and how it ended just reassured all of us that we were all there for a reason. We were all just real and honest with each other and I am so thankful for everyone I got to know and hung out with Friday night because I will never forget that experience. God knew we all needed each other that night and He knew how perfectly it would work with that group of people and I would not have had it any other way.

Corey defiantly has a passion for this ministry and many dreams. If you ever want to come one Friday night with him then defiantly meet him because he is awesome. Also another way to get involved is to support his clothing company, all the profit goes to this ministry. The website is http://www.altruistapparel.com CHECK IT OUT && SUPPORT HIM OR GET INVOLVED J

Lovin This CRAZY Life :)

So I figured since I haven’t blogged in a while, I just tell everyone what God is teaching me and doing in my life. First off we are going to be starting the girls program in January and I am so excited about it. I know that it is going to take a lot of work and planning but I am ready to take on this challenge God has given me. I have been talking to some of the girl who I know would be great mentors to these young girls. We want the older girls who are going to set Godly examples for these kids and just love on them. Our vision for this program is to create unity in this group of girls. Junior High is all about cliques and fitting in but we are here to teach these girl how to be bold and stand up for their brothers and sisters in Christ. The older girl mentors that I am recruiting have so much wisdom and experience to share with these girls. I know God is going to do something amazing that only He can do through this ministry. I am just asking for your prayer over this, that God will just place the people in wants in front of me so I can make this happen.

Every day I learn something new about love. I realize people change but your love for that person stays the same. I have a friend right now that we went through a rough patch in the last year but we are starting to rebuild that friendship. God has given me such a love for her, deeper than I have ever had before but she continues to reject it. I realize not everyone is going to be my best friend but God says love no matter what and that is what I am trying to do. No matter if facing rejection over and over again, is like running into a brick wall. I know God has a plan and I am just his tool.

Another thing I have realized is how lost I was before I really discovered what God wanted for me. I was so hard hearted. I shut out my friends and kept to myself, and I realize now how much I did do that. I wouldn’t spend as much time with them because I would get annoyed so easily. I was so blinded by the love I had for a boy that I lost myself. I let this boy define me instead of my heavenly father. I let that boy become my everything, when I had everything I needed already. I am so sorry Lord, for pushing you aside. I shoved you off your throne and stuck a human boy there, someone who let me down.Humans will always let you down but God never will. God has given me the strength to build myself up again with Him and Him alone. It really hard for someone to be your everything then go to nothing but God is opening my eyes to how lost I truly was. Now I spend almost every day with friends. I have made new ones and even got back some old ones that I have really been missing. I let go of the past and now I am so ready for the future. God has the best guy for me but right now it’s just me and God!

I Want More..

I have realized lately how my life and how I live it impacts the people around me. Lately, I have also met a lot of “Christians.” The people who use “Christian” as a label and not a life style. It’s a relationship not a religion, something I realize is true more and more every day. We are called to love but I look around and I see so much hate. Especially from these so called “Christians.” I’m not perfect and I am guilty of not doing everything in love but God is opening my eyes and showing me how to. I now realized how everything I do reflects who Jesus is. I look around and wonder why Christians and God are so stereotyped and I realize that being a “Christian” is how this happens.  A “Christian” who sits on a church pew every Sunday but doesn’t let the words the pastor says really changes his life or his heart. The “Christians” that raise their hands on Sundays in youth group but then go to school on Monday and make fun of their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. What’s the point if it doesn’t really change you? Something I am I guilty of so many times. I don’t want to be a “Christian”, I want more. We are called to be Jesus on this Earth. We have such a short time here and unlimited chances to show people who Jesus is. But how can they ever see Jesus if our self is standing in the way. It’s time to be real. To really surrender and not conform to this messed up, ungodly world. This world is full of lies and we as followers of Jesus Christ are here to spread the truth. Every day is a choice for who you are going to live for: yourself? Your popularity?  The world? Or are you really going to live for the creator of the universe? The one who knows your whole heart, your greatest fears, your deepest desires and your unhealed wounds and still loves you enough to step off His safe throne above and died so you can live eternally with Him <3

A Sunday Full of God Moments

Sunday was a great day full of God moments. Sunday I went back to spend some time in the junior high first service. When I first got into high school, I used to spend a lot of time helping in the junior high area and then the events were less frequent and I got busy and just stopped going. I noticed when I walked into Jr. High that Sunday, I did not know as many kids as I used too. All the kids I knew in Jr. High have moved up to High School. As I stood in the back of the room that Sunday, I watched all these kids worship and I just looked around observing them. At first when I looked around the room I saw all the clicks. I saw the football jocks, the popular girls and even the “Christian” kids that have been going to church since they were born. After seeing the kids, God really opened my eyes. He showed me that every single one of these kids have a story, every single one of them has been hurt by someone in their life. I remember what Jr. High is all about, it is all about labels and looking “cool.” As I spent one Sunday with these kids, I realize this is where my heart is. God has given me such a love for these kids and I cannot wait to see where He leads me. After first service, my friend Marie, my cousin Kristyn and I teach a five year old class. I love these kids. They are so vocal about their faith and fitting in is never an issue. I can’t imagine not seeing my fives every Sunday but I really feel like God is calling me to Jr. High. I am continuing to pray and I know God will lead me. I know that only one ministry needs my whole heart.  After second service I walked into the sanctuary to find my dad. My aunt came up to me and told me that my ex-boyfriend from sophomore year was getting baptized. I was totally floored. Even though we broke up forever ago, I still had continue to pray for him to know Jesus and really become the guy I knew he could be. It was such an amazing experience to watch him surrender to God and it reminded me that God really does answer prayers and everything works in His time. Sunday was a day full of little moments that God just continued to amaze me. Sunday night was Uprising, a night where different churches in the community came together and worshiped the one true God, as His body, the church. That was a really eye opening experience also. I know that God was smiling down on us that night. Sunday was a day that God really taught me what true surrender is. Surrender is giving up everything, every single part of your life no matter what. I can honest say that every morning I have to wake up and surrender everything to God. Sunday God made me realize how selfish I have been. I have been holding on to parts in my life that I knew God wanted from me. I thought to myself how can I look at God and say “You gave all of you but you can only have a part of me.” God deserves all of me and that is what He is going to get.

Forgiveness is LOVE!

Forgiveness, so easy to tell other people to do but so hard to do yourself.  This world is full of people who will hurt you. Some that will give you a horrible day or even cause the most suffering situation that has happened in your life. And to them, God says forgive.  Forgiveness is something God has taught me a lot about lately. I went through a really tough time about a year ago and someone hurt me so bad, I never thought I would ever be able to forgive. I held on to all that anger and let it get the best of me. I built up walls around my heart. I held onto that anger and thought “I’m following God, so it is okay if I am angry over this.” I was so wrong. I never realized how much this anger defined me. That anger spread to other things and finally God made it clear that I had to forgive this person. I did and it was one of the hardest things ever but after that God’s joy and peace was amazing. I knew this is what God wants. Just another thing God taught me about love. Forgiveness is love and Love is forgiveness. No matter what situation or suffering you went through or are going through, it can be used to glorify God. God uses the troubles you go through, to help give hope to others who are going through the same thing. We were never meant to be alone, that’s why we have Jesus and God gives us people in our lives that understand. When you ask God for forgiveness and repent, God forgets everything. But sometimes we hold on to our past. You need to forgive yourself because God has already forgiven and forgotten your old self. I remember one year at camp Keith Comp was speaking and he said “Think of the person you hate the most and that is how much you love Jesus.” Thinking about this totally floored me. But he is right; God calls us to love like He has loved us. Sometimes as followers of God, we weigh our sin on a scale. We think to ourselves “Well I have only gossiped but that guy, he committed murder so obviously I am better than him.” When the truth is sin is the same in God’s eyes which sometimes seems unfair to me but it amazes me how God looks at all people the same. Jesus looks past all the baggage you’re carrying and say give it to me, it is time to let go. Every human is going to let you down, that’s just human nature. Your family, your best friend and even your amazing boyfriend/husband are all going to fail you. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Everyone is going to let you down, but put all your hope and trust in the one person who won’t, your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Things I Have Learned

I have learned many things about life, God, && myself in the last month so I decided to make a list:

1.      God is always in control no matter what and if you ever think He is not. He always has a funny way of telling you He is.

2.      God always thinks I’m beautiful, even if I don’t think so.

3.      Friends are the best and are always there no matter what. Even when you calling crying and just want someone to listen.

4.      Jesus is my best friend. Whenever I am feeling alone or sad, He is always there to talk to. Which I always take for granted.

5.      Sometimes it’s better to be quiet.

6.      Too much talk is bad.

7.      There are a lot of lies in this world, so we need to fill our self with truth.

8.      Kristyn Harvey is my cousin and my best friend. She is my favorite person to talk to no matter what and the one that is always there.  I don’t know what I would do without her.

9.      Other kids my age brag about being at college but I know God really wants me here.

10.  My Family is the best && I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

11.  My dad is such a great example to me and I am so proud of how far he has come

12.  My mom has the most caring heart I have ever seen and will serve people with all she is. I defiantly got my servant heart from her.

13.  My sister really is my best friend. Even though she ticks me off sometimes I love her more than she will ever know.

14.  When you try to fill that special whole in your heart that is supposed to be for Jesus with something else. It is really hard to get back to the way it was before, but the trip and the destination is so worth it.

15.  I have so many great adults in my life, which I really look up to.

16.  God has a great guy and a plan for me better than I could ever imagine.

17.  Everything is in God’s time not mine.

18.  I realized how when you start really loving people, your prayer list becomes really long but you really enjoy praying to God for them all the time.

19.  That after you get out of a relationship and are so used to hearing words of affirmation, it is really hard to adjust to not hearing all the time and not searching for them in someone else. I realize God is the only person I need to think I’m beautiful and love me.

20.  Jesus needs to be King in my life and every day I learn something new about who He is.

21.  Christian music is awesome && about all I listen too!

22.  Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.  My pain and suffering is nothing compared to what Jesus went through so it is selfish to dwell on my sufferings.

23.  I need to rejoice always, in everything.

24.  Journaling is the best way to let everything out and sort out everything you are thinking.

25.  Love is to be vulnerable. Which I hate that feeling but it’s true. To truly love people sometimes you gotta risk your heart and never give up.

26.  God might want me to go to Bible College but I’m still praying. He will lead me.

27.  There are a lot of broken people in this world and simple things can make there day

28.  That I struggle with pride && every day I have to lay it down and remember it’s all about Him and not me.

29.  Beautiful is on the inside, God just wants your heart.

30.  That with God you can do anything, even run 3 miles when you think you can’t haha J

31.  That not everyone is going to be your best friend but you can always love them

32.  I have been learning about loving selflessly with expecting nothing in return. It is so hard but it’s what I long for.

33.  My heart is with Jr. High even though I love my 5’s class on Sunday mornings.

34.  I have really learned what surrender is && it is defiantly an everyday thing.

35.  I am not perfect and sometimes I’m too hard on myself.

36.  GOD iS LOVE && love always wins

I'm not Religious

“Life is a journey, not so much to a destination, but a transformation. Looking back doesn't it sometimes feel like our richest times come right in the midst of our hardest? But God made us to life in community, to laugh and cry. To hurt and to celebrate with each other, no matter what we’re going through. And transformation is tough, and we don’t always end up where we think we will. But we have to remember, that even when we struggle to believe in Him, He always believes in us. He fills our lives with purpose and passion, if we just let Him. And the best part of the journey is that the God of the universe sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world. Isn't that a trip?”—To Save a Life

This is the quote that is used at the end of the movie To Save a Life, in the last week I have watched this movie four times. It never gets old and every time God opens my eyes a little bit more to what it means to truly love others the way that Jesus loves us. In the last month God has taught me a lot about who he is really is. Another one of my favorite quotes in this movie is when the youth pastor goes up to talk to the main character Jake in the movie, Jake says “ Well that’s cool but I’m not really religious,” The youth pastor replies “ That’s okay, I’m not either.” I love this line so much. This is actually what God has been teaching me, it’s not a religion it’s a lifestyle. I dated a guy for a year and he is Mormon, towards the end of our relationship he really made me question what I believe. He trapped me in questions I didn’t know how to answer. I felt like wow I really don’t know how to defend my faith. This feeling ate at me, I wanted so bad to understand. I wanted to get to know everything so I can never feel like that again. In the end, God told me He had a bigger and different plan for me. I followed him and let go of a guy I really loved and care about so much. Since then I have had this fire in me to learn more about different religions compared to my own. After my research, I found out that religion just makes me really mad. It is so crazy how there can be one truth and then all it takes is one human to say that they believe this and then a whole religion is started. Just because you believe it doesn’t mean it is true. I just can’t wrap my head around how someone can look at the bible basically look at God and say this isn’t enough. I know now that God is more than enough for me. It breaks my heart that people think that going door to door to pass out books and trying to save people will get them to Heaven. It breaks my heart that people think good deeds will guarantee you a spot in Heaven. Yes, good deeds are important but good deeds flow from a relationship. A relationship with Jesus Christ, the King who left his throne on high to die for your sin, is the only way to get to Heaven. I have realized you can’t put God in a box and say “well this is how God does things.” He is God; he can do whatever He wants. He could have let us die and have nothing to live for but instead He gave us something to live for. Religion is just a label, a label that holds you back. You know why Christians are so stereotyped, it’s because people don’t live like true Christian. It doesn’t matter if you have the biggest church around and so many people attend. It doesn’t matter if you have a band or an organ. If going to church doesn’t change how you live your life, then why go.  So you can sit on a church pew and gets your one a week fill of God. NO! It is so much more than that. Christianity is a lifestyle. I am reading this book right now called The Irresistible Revelation by Shane Claiborne. In one of the chapters he talks about how in college he got really involved in going downtown and loving on the homeless people. He talks about how he really experienced a true church community. It was an abandon catholic church that the homeless were living in. In that church they had a sermon taught every Sunday, as a group of people seeking God they sang worship song, and they used whatever food they had as communion. It doesn’t matter where you are, God is everywhere. This is such an amazing picture of His church.

Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair. ~G.K. Chesterton ♥

This is such a great quote. God has taught me all about love, His love. I know that people won’t know who God is if I don’t love like God does. You can shove religion at people and get really defensive but they will only know we are different by our love. The bible is just a tool that God uses different for everyone which is so cool. Every day God teaches me something different about who He is and every day I learn more about His unconditional love.

Agape..

WRCC Food Pantry, this ministry continues to open my eyes every day. In high school I used to serve every Thursday but since college started it has been harder to make it every week. I have been trying to go a lot more lately and every time it is so rewarding. I love greeting all these lovely people with a smile on my face. Even though they are struggling and have to task for help, they are happy and thankful. The past two times I have went, I decided to pick one person each time and spend the whole week praying for them. The first person who stuck out to me was an older lady who has such a selfless love for her family. As we walked through the aisles, she continued to tell me about her life. She gets up a five every morning and spends it doing the laundry, the dishes and eventually she gets herself ready before she gets the kids up. She has one daughter living with her and two grandbabies, one in diapers. She tells me how she is a bus driver and after her long day’s work dealing with kids she comes home to make dinner for three, two of them not even hers. She continued to tell me how she cannot wait till her daughter gets her life together because she feels too old to be a mom again. I look into this woman’s eyes and saw how exhausted she looked. She took on a challenge when she didn’t have to. Her strength and love to take care of her grandchildren inspired me so much. She really opened my eyes to the unconditional love of Jesus. This last week I helped at the pantry again. I stood in line to get another person to help through and the lady passes me a name card that read: Norma. Out walked this frail old woman that I just wanted to hug because she was so cute. It was her first time at the food pantry. I explained the process of how everything worked. Her information card said how she had eight people in her family. We talked about her kids and her grandchildren. When choosing what to put in her bag, she would always say “well I like this but I know the kids will eat this.” She put her wants and desires aside for her kids. Seeing her do this for everything she pick up, made me want to give her what she wanted because she totally deserves it. Norma loves selflessly and people can learn a lot from her, I did. Both these women showed me God’s love, just by going about their daily lives. Every time I got to the food pantry, I love just loving on all these people. Sometimes it’s hard when they don’t speak English, but it is so worth it. I have always had a serving heart, which can sometimes get me in trouble. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in serving that they forget why. I know when I was younger I would serve a ton and I always forgot the reason why. Since my relationship with Jesus Christ has grown, I know why now. God has giving me such a love for people, that I used to have but lost sight of. But now I know I serve to show people who Jesus is. We are called to be the hands of Jesus on this Earth and really living that out is so amazing. So if you are ever free on a Thursday afternoon from 3:30-5:30pm you should come with a humble heart and have God open your eyes. You can sit at home wondering why God allows people to go hungry and to suffer or you can stop wondering and start doing something about it.

God is EVERYWHERE!

Right now at this point in my life I feel like there is a handful of people who are really pursuing God with everything they are and other that have really fallen hard. My eyes have been opened and I see all the brokenness that only God can fix. Through everything I know that God is there and that He is never going to leave me and that is so comforting. I know some days are hard and you feel like giving up but no one ever said you had to do everything alone. I bought the new Matthew West cd a couple of weeks ago and I love it so much. There is this song on their titled “Strong Enough.” In the lyrics it says “Lord, I need you to be strong enough for the both of us.” The Lord is where you get your strength so you don’t have to do anything on your own.  Another thing God has taught me is that He is not a feeling. I have always heard the saying “I don’t feel close to God” I never thought anything of it, until last week I was talking with my good friend Kat Ho and we just had this awesome talk. God showed me that He is not a feeling. He is so much more than that. God’s joy and peace is a feeling. But God Himself is real, He is everywhere. If we all just open our eyes, we can see God everywhere. I love looking at the sunrise in the morning and up at the star filled sky, these are Gods creation and every day and night God paints a different picture in the sky. THAT IS SO COOL! How can people deny God when He is everywhere, but I guess you can’t open your eyes until you open your heart <3

My Challenge

Lately, God has been teaching me a lot. God showed me that I have been holding back for awhile.  God showed me how closed up my heart has been and how I spent more time being angry then loving people the way He wants me too. God placed another challenge before me. He told me to let go of someone I really cared about, someone I let get really close to my heart. But I took on that challenge no matter how bad it was going to hurt and I went with His will and not mine. In this past month since I followed where God was leading me, I have drawn so close to God and really found out who He is. My heart right now is so open to love, something it has been closed up to for a long time. Things happened my junior and senior year of high school that made me harden my heart and not let anyone get close to me. I let my fear of being hurt stop me from loving people the way I was supposed to.  I have really fully experienced God’s unfailing love and His endless joy through every situation.  I have been reaching out and really loving on people. I have realized that every day is a day to serve Jesus, that serving is a lifestyle not an only to do on Sunday’s kind of thing. Every day you can impact someone’s life. Even a simple smile can change someone’s day. My eyes have been open to the people who need the love of Jesus in this broken world.  On Wednesday of last week my little sister, Shelby, and I went on a long walk and had this amazing talk about God and what He is doing in both of our lives.  It was awesome because in a way, God is teaching us both the same things. After that long walk and talk with my baby sister, God really laid on my heart my unopened challenge card from CIY. I knew exactly where it was, in my keep safe box under my bed. My sister walked in my room and I looked at her and said “I’m going to open my CIY challenge.” She was so excited for me and sat right next to me. In my hand I held this little green envelope, my heart was beating fast and I was scared and anxious about what challenge lie ahead  for me. When I opened my card it read:  Go to www.ciy.com/believe, get a group of friends and volunteer at a Jr. High Believe near you next spring. I was so excited when I read this card. After I read this I immediately Facebook messaged our Jr. High pastor and told him all about. He messaged me back later that night saying he would be so glad to have me.  It is amazing how God works. He showed me His love and opened my eyes to see people the way He does. Then he places Hannah in my life to show me how much I love young girls. I have such a passion for young girls and I just want to love on them. I want them to never doubt how beautiful they are and see how truly precious they are to God. This challenge is just perfect for me and God knew that. I can’t wait to see what is in store and that next week  He showed me what He had in store.  I went to church that Sunday and was talking to one of the Junior High Leaders, Shelli Morrison. I have always looked up to Shelli and have admired her love for the eighth grade girls and juniorhighers in general. I told her one Sunday that we would need to get lunch soon and just talk. This last Tuesday Shelli and I met for lunch before I had to go to school.  We talked about life and what God is teaching both of us right now then finally it got down to the real reason that we got together. Shelli told me about the purity retreat that happened last weekend and how many of the junior high girls were struggling with self-esteem. We talked about how we both really wanted to make a change and invest in these girls. We are planning to start a program that helps all the girls get connected and invite the highschoolers and even college girls to love on these junior high girls because we have been there. We know all the hard struggles and how hard it is to find a place to fit in.  It is so awesome how God works. He gave me a challenge to spend a weekend with a bunch of junior high kids and now He has given me a way to get to know these kids before CIY believe. I am so excited to see where this ministry leads because I know this is where God is leading me. Every day God teaches me more about His love!

Where It All Started..

Everything that God is beginning to do in my life now all started at CIY this summer. CIY is a weeklong youth conference where all the highschoolers stay on a college campus and even stay in the dorms. We have worship twice a day as well as amazing speakers. This CIY was my last one since I was a senior. I thought about my past experiences at CIY. This being my fourth year, I decided it was not going to be about me. I just wanted to get to know the freshmen girls more and branch away from my friends to make some new ones. I loved spending that week getting to know the freshmen a lot better, it was awesome. On the second to last night I had this girl come up to me and ask if we could talk. Of course I said yes. It was one of the freshmen girls that I got to know during the week, but I didn’t really get a chance to invest as much time in her as I did with the other girls, so I was taken aback when she came to me. Her name is Hannah and I had only known her because we took a mother-daughter class together in the summer and I know her older sister. As Hannah and I sat down to talk, I found myself wondering what this would be about. We just did small talk at first. We talked about school and what Hannah thought about her first year at CIY. It finally got down to why she really asked to talk to me. Hannah looked at me and said, “Claire, will you be my mentor?” This question totally caught me off guard. I have never really talked to her that much and I realized that my actions made her really look up to me. At first the title “mentor” really scared me. It sounds so official and like something I could never be strong enough to be. But I took on this challenge and I was so excited to get to know Hannah better and really love on this beautiful girl. I knew this what God wanted me to do. On the last night at CIY everyone is given a small envelope. In that envelope is an unknown challenge. If you choose to open that card, it is a promise to God that you will fulfill that task. The last night everyone was waiting anxiously to open their card and see where God was leading them. As Justin sat in front of all of us, he told us that he wanted to wait until we were back home so we can open them in front of our whole youth group family. That Sunday we were having a special evening Awake to talk about our week at CIY and finally open our cards. I had all weekend to pray and think about if I was going to open my card or not. After talking to God, I realized He didn’t want me to open my card. I felt like right now being a mentor to Hannah was the challenge that God wanted me to focus on. What was really cool is Hannah went up to open her card. Her challenge was to find a mentor and be a mentor to someone else. It is really amazing how God works like that.  Since then Hannah and I have gotten closer and God has given me so much love for this amazing young girl. Every time we talk she inspires me so much. She is only a freshman and has such a strong faith. I know as a freshman, I was not as strong as she is now. You know the phase that God uses the weak to lead the strong, well this is totally true here.